How To Cultivate Routines In Relationship

Routines and relationships, let’s talk about it. In any relationship there will be routines. Who’s gonna do the laundry. Who’s going to take out the trash. When and how will we do date night? Creating and maintaining routines in relationships isn’t an easy goal to meet, but it is doable and necessary for a peaceful home and life.

In today’s episode of the Routine and Things Podcast, I’m chatting about how to cultivate routines in relationships. It’s a topic I was asked to speak on and I’m spilling all the tea on what can help you create beautiful routines for an even more beautiful relationship.

Word For Word

Ashley Brown  00:00

[Intro] Routines ,my absolute favorite word, but you either love them or you hate them. And either way, I strongly believe that routines can be a springboard for improving your home yourself and your life. I'm Ashley Brown. And this is the Routine and Things Podcast. In each episode we'll dive into a specific routine or point of view that will move you closer to enjoying life more and more each day. Trust me, you're gonna want to keep listening, because you're well on your way to getting and staying happy!


Ashley Brown  00:47

Hey, welcome back for another episode. I'm so happy that you're joining me. Always happy that you're joining me. So today on this episode, we are talking about a topic that I actually got asked to do by one of my beautiful listeners. And she asks if I could talk about routines within marriage. And I thought that was just such a great question and such a great topic to talk about. And I think that applies to any relationship. And so, in today's episode we're going to be talking through how do you cultivate routines in relationships. So whether that's dating, if you're married, if it's just a family member, a friend. How do you cultivate routines in relationships, especially when you're in the same home. So we're gonna be talking about that today.


Ashley Brown  01:42

But before we get into that, I do want to give a listener some love today, and that is a Tomboys3. So Tomboys3 says, "Do you have a home? Then this is a podcast for you. I love listening to it. Great tips and positivity." Thank you so much, Tomboys3. So I'm assuming you have some boys at home. I'm assuming, I'm making a very huge assumption. But I just want to say thank you so much for rating and reviewing the podcast, I truly, truly appreciate it. And if you have not rated or reviewed the podcast yet, it is super easy. If you're listening on iTunes, scroll down to the review section. And click review the podcast and rate the podcast. And that's how you can put in your review because I would love to hear what you feel about the podcast, how it is helping you how it's beneficial for your life. And I would love to shout you out. So I want to say thank you for listening, and go rate and review today.


Ashley Brown  02:48

So let's go ahead and get into this episode because I think it's a really, really great episode to talk about. Because I've personally created routines within my relationship, my marriage and it's really really helped to keep our home in order and to keep our lives feeling smoother. And I'm hoping that this can be really beneficial for you too, especially if you're struggling to create routines within your home right now because you're trying to balance what you want to do with how your partner usually flows and all of that. So I think this episode is going to be really, really beneficial. And hopefully the tips that I provide or just the conversation we have today is helpful for you.


Ashley Brown  03:31

Alright, so let's go ahead and get into how to cultivate routines in relationships because relationships already can be challenging because we're different people, right, all of us are different, and that's what makes us beautiful and special. But sometimes that can cause a bit of friction, but getting on the same page with routines can sometimes smooth out that friction of living in the same home together so that we all feel comfortable and then it's not so much of a challenge to be in a relationship. So let me just put it that way.


Ashley Brown  04:06

Alright, so the first thing I want to share is that I first think that it's really, really important to have a conversation and to communicate. Of course, they always say communication is key to any relationship. And I truly believe that wholeheartedly. And the same thing with routines and creating routines in the home, with your relationships, because you have to get on the same page when creating routines for your home. Because you're both involved in the routines, especially in routines that you both are involved in it's super duper important that you communicate about the routines and that you get on the same page. And so you want to talk about things like how each of you like to flow throughout your home and you can choose a specific routine that you want to think about. And like just ask the question and kind of talk through, well how do you like to do it and you can say how you'd like to do and just bounce ideas off of each other and to be able to get to a consensus that works for both of you. It's also really great when you're communicating to kind of think about what are the strengths of each person. I don't like to really focus on weaknesses, right? We all have weaknesses, even though I don't call them weaknesses. It's just differences. But what are the strengths of each person because if you can have a routine specifically designated for a person, based upon it being a strength for them, it's going to make your home environment and your relationship that much stronger. So thinking about what are your strengths, what are their strengths? What are your strengths, and maybe when you're choosing certain routines, one person can lean more into a certain routine than another based upon the strengths of both of you. So that's another thing that I think is really important to communicate. And then if you create a routine without their input, this will create so much friction. That's why I think it's super important that you have a conversation. Because it can cause a bunch of frustration and friction. If you start to do a routine and create a routine without the person's input, they're going to feel probably some type of way because it's not going to work for them. And then it's just not going to be a happy place and we want our homes to be happy and peaceful places and spaces for us. So it is so important that both of you are a part of the creation of the routine, especially if each of you are involved within that routine.


Ashley Brown  06:39

Now, another thing that I think is super important when you're cultivating and creating routines in relationships is that you know each other's routines. And I think this is super duper important because if you have a routine that you do or they have a routine that they do that one day you may have to do. Or your partner may have to do, or your family member may have to do whoever you're in the relationship with in the home, I think it's really important that each of you know the home routines. And this is super important because you may need to pick up this routine at some point. Throughout being in the home and living with an individual. You never know we sometimes get sick, things happen or the person might not be feeling the best mentally or emotionally on a day, you might have to pick up the routine. Especially if it's something that's not like a super personal routine, it's just been designated to that person because you talked that through. Knowing what the routine is is still important, because you might have to pick it up. So for example, like taking out the trash, maybe that's designated to your partner or to another family member. And if you don't know how trash is taken out, this might actually cause you a bit of, you know, annoyance or anxiety if you need to do it, because you don't even know what the routine is. And so instead of starting from scratch and being like, Okay, this is how I'm going to take out the trash, it might be easier for you to know how they take out the trash, so you can just start doing it instead of having to think so much and put so much thought into how are you going to take out the trash and when you're going to pick up the trash can, all of that, it might run a bit smoother if you already know what that routine is.


Ashley Brown  08:26

The same with children's routine. So if you have a children's routine, and you primarily do that children's routine with your child because you're at home, or you're just the one that does it most of the time, a certain routine with your children. It's important for your partner to know that and it's important for your family members to know that because if they have to jump in, or if they have to care for your children at a certain point. Of course your children will be fine if the routine is thrown out for a day or two but it will make their lives a bit easier too for your children if somebody can just pick up where you need the help. So I think it's really important that each person knows the routines for the home, especially if it's routines that might need to be picked up by the person if something happens or if the person isn't available to do that routine. So hopefully this is making sense.


Ashley Brown  09:17

So like I said, knowing each other's routines can be super beneficial because it can help alleviate a bunch of stress. It has to be picked up by you or your partner or a family member. And you can also tweak it to fit you. But at least you don't have to totally reinvent the wheel because I'm not about reinventing the wheel, like if we don't have to reinvent the wheel, don't. So make your life a bit simpler. So I think that's another component that's super important to think about when you are cultivating routines in your relationships and in your home.


Ashley Brown  09:53

The third thing and this is the last and final thing that I think is important to take into account and that is to give the person space to be who they are and to move in a way that feels good and natural to them. So yes, we are creating routines in our relationships, right with other people. We don't want to be like really tough critics of how others do things, especially for the people that we love. I don't think we should be hard critics of anybody, right? We're not the judger of anybody. So I don't think we should be really hard on how others like to do things as long as their routine is not harmful or hurting anybody, let them do them. Right. Like, just the same with them. Let you do you.


Ashley Brown  10:36

So you might have a laundry routine where when you're folding laundry, you want them to fold clothes in a certain way. As long as the clothes get folded. Who cares? Like who cares. If they're the lead in that routine, let's not nitpick things, you know, like I think we get down to being really nitpicky, that's when we probably need to take over that routine. But I don't want you putting a lot on you as well because of things like that. And that's just an example. But yeah, we don't want to be hard critics of how others do things. We want for them to do things in a way that feels good and flows for them. And so I think it's all about perspective versus preference. So you or they may not prefer something to look a certain way or to be a certain way, or to be done a certain way. But keep perspective that if it's being done, and that's the most important thing. And if it's really that bad, then maybe you should switch off and maybe switch a routine or something like that. So I wanted to put that out there because doing this, like being able to allow a person to be who they are, and to move in a way that is natural and feels good to them, will really help to create a beautiful relationship and an even more beautiful home. So I just wanted to put that out there as well.


Ashley Brown  11:58

So those are the three things, those are the three things I think are really important when you are trying to cultivate routines in your relationships is to think about 1) communication is key, getting on the same page, really working through your routines with each other. Also making sure that you know, each other's routines, especially if it's routines you may have to pick up at a certain point. And then to just give the person space to be who they are, and to move in a way that feels good and natural to them. And it's the same for you. I want you to be able to have the space to be who you are, to move in a way that feels good to you. And so, those are some things that I just think are important to think about when you are creating routines within your relationships. And that includes, like I say, friendships, roommates, dating, marriage, family ties, like whatever type of relationship that is. If you're in the same home, having routines that you have cultivated together can just build such a stronger relationship.


Ashley Brown  12:14

So I am just so blessed that someone asked me this question because I hadn't thought about this at all, but I think it's super important for your home and for your life, especially if you're in relationship and living with people within your home. Alright, so that's it for this episode. I really hope that you join me next week, I'm going to be diving into three simple steps for creating and starting a routine. I've been asked on occasion, like, how do I know where to start when it comes to everything? So you're going to be getting all the tea, all of the juice, all of the knowledge about what are three easy steps that you can do in order to start are routine that can get you up and running that day. So hopefully you join me next week for that episode. And like always, make sure that you rate, review, subscribe, and share the podcast. I would love to see you over on Instagram and tag me at Routine and Things. I would love to see you sharing. And until next time I hope that you're enjoying wherever you are and wherever you're doing. Talk to you next week.


Ashley Brown  14:16

[Outro] Thanks for listening. If you enjoyed today's episode, could you do me a huge favor and take a screenshot and share it on social? And for more routine goodness be sure to visit Here's to staying happy!

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