How To Just Be In Your Home
Word For Word
Ashley Brown 00:00
[Intro] Routines, my absolute favorite word, but you either love them or you hate them. And either way, I strongly believe that routines can be a springboard for improving your home, yourself and your life. I'm Ashley Brown, and this is a routine and things podcast. In each episode we'll dive into a specific routine or point of view that will move you closer to enjoying life more and more each day. Trust me, you're going to want to keep listening because you're well on your way to getting and staying happy.
Ashley Brown 00:47
So in this episode, we are going to be talking about how to just be in your home and this is a really important topic to talk about. And I've been wanting to talk about this because I recently received a comment about this. And I was like, You know what? We need to speak on this topic, we need to have a conversation. Because how to just be, in general is just sometimes difficult. But how to just be at home takes it to another level. And being at home might sound like, oh, yeah, it's easy to be at home. Maybe you're thinking that, girl it's easy for me to be at home, and just be without doing, because that's what I mean. What I mean by how to just be at home is being versus doing. I feel like many of us are good at doing in our home. We do this, we do that, we're doing doing doing, going going going, it's always something to do and we're always doing that something, but I feel as if being the doesn't come so naturally, just being really present in the moment, without thinking about what you're doing next, being able to soak up every little piece of your child's growth, being able to really pay attention to your partner and what they are feeling, expressing, being able to take in just every little thing, even when you clean and you cook and the experiences you have in your home. How to just be. So we're gonna have a conversation about it today. And I'm gonna give you some suggestions about how you can just be in your home, so that you can start feeling more connected to the experience of your home and soak it all in, including those within it, so that you're able to soak up every moment and truly be present. It's either I'm doing so much on board. If I'm not worrying about what needs to be done in my home, I feel like I'm not doing anything. Like that constant, If I'm not worrying about anything, then I just feel like I'm not doing anything.
Ashley Brown 03:07
And also I've heard, I feel like I have to prove to myself and to others that I deserve to be home. And I do this by constantly doing things around my home. So those are some of the comments and things that I've heard from moms. And I do have to say that I've heard this more from stay at home moms, than moms that work outside of the home, and these are things that I've experienced myself. Everything I said is what I've experienced at some point in being a homemaker, especially when I transition from working outside the home to being a stay at home mom, because if I'm perfectly honest, being away from my home, it was a little bit easier for me to just be in my home, because I was like I'm never here so I just want to chill out. I want to soak up everything while I'm here. But when I transition from working outside the home to working inside the home by taking care of my children, it was harder for me to just be. And that's due to a lot of different things. I think that just culturally, as Americans, that's just something that is hard for us to just do is to just be because our system is built upon achieving, achieving, achieving, doing, doing, doing, working, working, working. And so because of that, I think we have just been groomed to just be this way to a certain extent, until we become aware of it and we want to do something different. So you're not alone. If you've been feeling like that, like, yeah, I just have to always keep going. Because sometimes it can be, I need to keep going just for a distraction. I need to keep going to prove myself. I need to keep going because I feel like I'm wasting my skills. That's another one too. Feeling like you're wasting your skills especially for stay at home moms, like you're wasting your time. So I'm going to use my skills and my home. So I'm gonna, so it kind of becomes like a job. I'm not saying it's anything wrong with it becoming like a job. But when it gets to the extent where you can't really focus or really be present, I think that's when we have to question ourselves and check in with ourselves because it had become that way for me. At a certain point, I was just around here like clockwork, going, going, going, doing, doing, doing and then I'm like, what did my child do today? Like, how did I spend time with her? Like, what did she do? Because I was so busy managing our home that I had totally forgot what my child had done that day, or what I did with my child, what milestone they have reached.
Ashley Brown 05:46
So we have to check in with ourselves at certain points to see are we just going and doing or are we able to sit and marvel at the blessing of our home and those within it. Because I bet you, you understand this concept, right? So I'm gonna throw out this concept to you. I call it the itch. It's like when you're sitting down and all of a sudden you feel like you should be doing something. Like you just sit down like you've done things around the house and you're taking care of your kids and fed them and got them together, did some type of activity with them and you wash the dishes, swept the floor, cleaned out the microwave, planned, and then you sit down to just like chill out. And then all of a sudden you get this itch that you need to be doing something, you get this feeling, like it's something I should be doing right now. And then you start, your wheels start spinning in your head and start thinking about what's the next thing you can do. That's what I call it, the itch. And like I said, our culture has created this feeling. But you know what, just because it has been created, culturally it does not mean this cannot be remedied or fixed or just thought about in a different way.
Ashley Brown 06:51
We have to learn how to go from doing to just being because both are important in life and at home, both are. It's important that we do, but it's also important that we be and that we be present in moments. Because time is fleeting time will go by without hesitating, without blinking an eye, you look up, you're like dang it's 2025. You know how it is, time goes? It waits for no one. It doesn't.So if time isn't waiting for us we have to make sure that we are present in moments and that we are using our time wisely. My friend told me this one time and I thought this was so cool. She had heard it from somewhere, she was like, yes girl, that's why we're called human beings, not human doings. I was like, oh, I like that. I love that, because we are, we're human beings. We're not just put on this earth to do do do upon this earth to be, to be in connection with others, to be in connection with ourselves, with God, to marvel at life, to sit down, chill, smell the roses, look outside of your window, and look out and look at what exists and look at what we're surrounded by, because that's how we remain grateful. I dont care what you see outside your window. It's something that you can see outside of your window, it's something that you can see even within your home right now that you can be grateful for. And that's what being helps us do remain grateful in life. It helps us not miss any of our children's milestones, or celebrations in their lives. It helps us to be more present partners. Just being is important.It's helps us to stay in tune with our self in our future. So being is important, as well as doing.
Ashley Brown 09:07
So let's move into how to just be. How can you start to just be in your home? If you've been feeling like yes, girl, I get the itch all the time and I want to be able to just sit down and relax without constant thought about what I'm doing next. One, planning can really help with this, because when you plan you will have the reminder of what you need to do. So I'm just going to throw that out there planning is really great for helping you just be in your home. Because it's already written down, you already know what you're going to be doing because it's on paper, and so you won't feel as if I'm going to forget about this. So planning is one thing that can really help. Focusing on what's in front of you can really help. So if you're sitting down in your living room or wherever in your bedroom, wherever you are, if you find yourself sitting down, what I want you to do is focus on what's in front of you. So that could be your children, that could just be you by yourself in front of the TV, that could be you just sitting down just in silence. You sitting out at the dinner table with you a meal, like I want you to focus on what's in front of you and I want you to be present in that moment. Think about the thing in front of you, not about what you need to do or what you think you should be doing right now. When that itch comes up, focus on what's in front of you, that you truly want to be paying attention to. This can help you be in the present moment. And a way that you can focus on
Ashley Brown 10:42
what's in front of you what I like to do, and I've heard this somewhere and it's been really, really beneficial for me. I find it helpful if I use all of my five senses, to experience whatever it is in front of me. So for example, your children, if your children are sitting in front of you? When my children are sitting in front of me what I like to do is first, focus on them. And then I say to myself, What do you hear? You might hear them playing, laughing, just breathing. What do I see? I see my children. I see my girls. Whatever they're doing, look at them. Hear them. What do you smell in this moment? I might have just turned on my coffee pot and brewed me some coffee. So I might smell coffee in this moment. I might smell the candle that I have lit in this moment. What do I feel in this moment? I might feel the sofa, the blanket that I have, right, the throw blanket that I have over my shoulders. I might feel the coolness within my home, feel my feet on the floor, on my rug. What do I taste in this moment? Do I taste anything? Maybe I don't taste anything. Maybe I taste my breakfast that I just had recently. Maybe I don't taste anything at all. But I check in with myself and say what in this moment are you experiencing with all of your five senses because what this does it it really helps you to be present. Instead of thinking about what you want to do next, it helps you so much to be present in that moment. It's beautiful when you do this. And this took a lot of practice for me. I am going to put this out here, this took a lot of practice. This does not come second nature to experience life in this way. It takes a lot of practice, dedication to keep doing it into focus your mind where you want it to be focused. When I use when you use all of your five senses, what you are doing is you are more aware of everything. Every action you take, every move you make, everything that's going on around you. So this is a really good tip for you and just being and how to just be.
Ashley Brown 13:02
Another way that I just be in my home as I put down technology. I use technology a lot because it is a part of my business. But at certain points, I don't need my phone. At certain points, I don't want my phone either. So I will put it away somewhere that's not by me, I don't just set it down on the chair beside me, I'll make sure that I put it in the kitchen, on the kitchen counter. I'll make sure that I put it on the dining room table, if I'm sitting on the sofa, just have it out of my sight and without of my reach because if it's outside of my reach, I'm less likely to pick it up. And now I can be more present with just being in whatever capacity that I'm in and just experiencing a moment. I think another thing that you can do when you're practicing, how to just be, is schedule out time to just be, and I would start small. So I would say for 30 minutes, you're going to just absorb everything that's going on and you're going to legitly experience every little thing with all of your senses for 30 minutes. So this can be really helpful when you're just starting to learn this concept and really practicing how to just be.
Ashley Brown 14:14
It's also important that we praise our progress. Because I think another part of this is not being able to just be and we want to do is because we think that we aren't doing much, even though we are probably doing a lot. We are not praising our progress. And so this doing mentality just creeps in because we think we're not doing much because we're holding ourselves to a very high standard, that is tricking us to believe that we aren't doing much. And so I think it's important that you praise your progress if you want to learn how to just be in your home. So when you sit down to just relax, chill out, experience your home for all of what it is. Praise the progress that you made before you got to that point, before you sat down and say you wanted to chill. Praise what it is that you've accomplished, because you've accomplished so much. If you got up, if you worked all day, if you weren't half a day, if you took care of your children, fed them, entertain them, you did a lot, clean your home, you've done things. So praise your progress.
Ashley Brown 15:27
And the last thing I want to speak about is, I think it's really important that we talk about doing self work to uncover why we feel the need to do constantly. This is something I had to do. You've heard me probably say before, if you've listened to any of my podcast episodes, or if you've just been rocking with me for a while, that I am a recovering overachiever and that I've in my life felt validated by achievement, by doing. So I had to really do some selfwork and get into, Ashley, why do you feel like you gotta just keep going? Every time you accomplish the goals, it's like what's the next goal. Which I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but if that's not all to life is just chasing the next thing to do. Because sometimes when you look up you're like, did I even experience life? Did I really soak up the moments that really matter to me? Because I was just constantly thinking about what I'm doing next to achieve and to validate myself so I had to do work on myself. If this sounds like you, if you feel like, dang, that might be why I keep doing. I want you to know this, doing does not validate your worthiness in life or being at home. Hear me again when I say that. Doing does not validate your worthiness. Doing does not validate your deserving this to be at home. I want you to know you're worthy all by yourself. All by yourself, girl. Your worthy for being you, and being God's child, so know that today. So those are some things that can help you just be in your home. And like I said, this has to become a practice. This is a practice, this isn't something you're going to wake up, just be able to do. Trust me, I still sometimes struggle with this. I'm like, check in with yourself. Be present, Ashley. Like, it's great when you become aware of when you're getting to that point of just wanting to do because you can stop yourself dead in your tracks, and be like hold up sister, like, we're not doing this. So it is a practice and like they say practice makes perfect, or at least close to it. So practice, practice, practice. It will be challenging at first I'm not gonna lie, but it will get better over time. Trust me on that.
Ashley Brown 17:52
Before we wrap things up, I want you to say these affirmations with me today. The affirmations I'm going wants to say it can be really beneficial helping you shift your perspective from doing to being. So repeat after me. I am worthy of being home. I am a human being. Let's say it again. I am worthy of being home. I am a human being. That's a wrap. That's it. So we talked about how to just be at home, I gave you some ways that you can just be at home. I challenge you to really do some self work and to really uncover why you feel as if you may have the itch more than you would like. And I made sure to tell you that this is a practice. You have to put this into place and practice this daily. Because as people, life is short, and if life is short, right, we want to make sure life is sweet too. And we can't do that by just doing all the time. We do that by being present in the moments that God has put in front of our eyes, and within our reach. We need to remember this. Soak it all in girl, make the most of the moments that are presented to you. I hope this blessed you today. I hope you learned a lot. I hope you took away some things that you can start to implement in your life.
Ashley Brown 19:43
I'm so happy that you joined me for this episode. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for just listening every week, even if this is your first time listening. Thank you. I appreciate you. Make sure that you subscribe to the podcast, if you haven't already. You know the deal. Also rate and review. I'd love to hear your thoughts. I'd love to hear what you think about the podcast. I hope that is really helpful for you. And that is helped you with homemaking and motherhood. If it has, let me know, write me a review, let me hear your thoughts. I would love to hear from you. And also share this podcast today with someone that needs to hear this. Thanks again for listening. Next week, I hope that you come back and join me because I'm going to be sharing with you secrets of a homemakerand giving you all the tea about things that you can do around your home that you may not know have known about. Secrets of being a homemaker that you might not have been privy of. So come back next week. Join me for that episode. But until next time, girl, I hope that you are being present in this moment. And that you are enjoying wherever you are and whatever you're doing. And I will talk to you next week.
Ashley Brown 21:03
[Outro] Thanks for listening. If you enjoyed today's episode Could you do me a huge favor and take a screenshot and share it on social. And for more routine goodness, be sure to visit a routineandthings.com. Here's to staying happy!