How And When To Ask For Help At Home
Word For Word
Ashley Brown 00:00
[Intro] Routines, my absolute favorite word, but you either love them or you hate them. And either way, I strongly believe that routines can be a springboard for improving your home yourself and your life. I'm Ashley Brown, and this is a routine and things podcast. In each episode we’ll dive into a specific routine or point of view that will move you closer to enjoying life more and more each day. Trust me, you're gonna want to keep listening, because you're well on your way to getting and staying happy.
Ashley Brown 00:46
Hey, welcome back, welcome back. And today girl, we are going to be talking about how and when to ask for help at home, but you know, before we get there first I want to say thank you so much for listening today. Thank you for being a part of this community. And if you're new to the podcast, welcome, you are so welcome here. And I'm so glad that you came over and that you are listening to this and that you're joining this community as well. If you haven't subscribed to the podcast, be sure to subscribe. Also rate and review, after you listen if you enjoyed this episode and it benefited you, let me know.Rate and review the podcast and let me know what you think.
Ashley Brown 01:29
And it's so funny because last week we talked about how to manage your home when you're not in the best mood. So if you haven't checked out the episode, it's episode 020, it’s the previous episode. It's all about managing your home when you're not in the best mood. And I gave you some tips and advice for this. But this is one that I left out specifically because I knew I was talking about it this week. And it is how and when to ask for help at home. That can be really beneficial in helping you manage your home when you're not in the best mood, asking for help, so today we are going to be diving into that.
Ashley Brown 02:03
Before I get into how and when to ask for help, I do want to say, first of all, we're not the only ones that live in our homes. So we shouldn't be the only ones helping to manage it, help it to clean up helping to keep it neat and tidy. That's my philosophy anyway, like, we all making the mess, so we all need to clean up the mess. So I just wanted to put that out ther. We're not the only ones living in our home, so we shouldn't be the only ones up keeping our homes or managing them. And I feel like sometimes we don't ask for help for certain reasons. I just think as human beings and people, we sometimes are not asking for help for certain reasons. And that reason could be maybe we fear rejection, maybe we're afraid someone's gonna say no and we don't know how we're going to handle that. If someone like says to us like no, I'm not helping, or we feel like we are burdening the other person. This was huge for me and I still have to I still have to really coach myself, to be like, Ashley, just ask the a question, just ask for help. But I know this was really a huge thing for me. It's like I was like, I don't want to put more on somebody, like, I just don't want to do that. I just don't want to do that. So that is something that might prevent you from asking for help.
Ashley Brown 03:19
We also think we can do it all sometimes. Sometimes you want to have Superwoman syndrome, and I'm telling you right now, cut it out, it's not even worth it. We're just Superwoman as it is by ourselves. So we all need to just be trying to do it all because we can't. So sometimes we think we can do it all and we don't ask for help and the next thing you know, we are quickly humbled because we're like, oh, I couldn't do this all by myself. So definitely, those are reasons why sometimes I feel like we don't ask for help. And it could be a reason, one of those reasons could have been why you don't ask for help. But I want you to know today, it's okay to ask for help, you can ask for help. I'm going to help you with this.
Ashley Brown 03:58
Before I get into really explaining how to ask for help, I do feel like we have a tendency sometimes to ask for help when it's already too much. Like, we are not great sometimes about being proactive when asking for help. We'll know like a like a really huge transition is coming. And sometimes we just don't really think ahead to think about help. I feel like we, a lot of times will prepare in advance for like the transitions that we know are coming, but I feel like a lot of times we don't really think about well help is a part of planning, like asking people to help, especially if it's a huge transition. And even if it's not like even it's a small transition, like it's a transition, it's a change. So I think sometimes we can really ask for help when it is already too much and I've struggled with this. And I still struggle with this. I still have to really, consciously think to like you need to ask for help in this moment. And I've gotten better at like really telling people like what type of help, not even telling people, that sounds rude, but asking people to help and to support me. So I've gotten better with that. But it's so funny because, as you may or may not know, I worked as a nurse. First, I'm still a nurse, but I worked at the bedside. I did bedside nursing for about four and a half years. And I remember working as a nurse and just other nurses working with me, like this is legit what would do, like we would just not ask help until we was like, running around, like chickens with our heads cut off. And I asked myself, dang, Ashley, you knew you had a heavy patient load , why you didn't ask anybody for help before? And then when the time comes, you're like, you're so overwhelmed. Like I don't even know, like I don't even know what I need help with. We're gonna talk a little bit about that more later. But yes, being proactive is huge and not letting it get too much.
Ashley Brown 05:55
But let's move into how to ask for help. Let's talk about this. How do we ask for help? First of all, it's an art to ask for help. I think it's an art because yes, we can like bluntly ask somebody for help, but I think asking for help is a art, because one it takes skill. It's like something that you have to build up that muscle, like I don't think, I think for a lot of us, it's like, we have to build up that muscle to ask for help. And we have to build that skill of asking for help. So that's why I say I think that is an art. And everyone does'nt ask for help in the same way, so that's why I think it's an art as well. But the one thing I would say is don't be demanding, if you're asking for help. That's just kindness 101, is don't be demanding. This is not a dictatorship, don't boss anybody around when you're asking for help, right, like it's asking, it's not telling. So that's first and foremost. And this can kind of just come across as feeling like entitled when you're asking people to help you. And this goes for anybody, your family, you know whether that's immediate extended, like your partner, your kids, like even for my kids, like, I still ask my kids to help me I don't tell them what to do. I asked my girls to help, well, my oldest daughter. I asked her to help me. I don't just boss her around and tell her what to do because she has the right to say yes or no. Now would there be consequences? Yes. Right, some natural consequences and some enforced, but I still ask, you know what I mean, I still ask her, because she's a human being. So we have to, you know, really understand that it's important in the way that we ask for help Because help is not something you're privileged to. Like, you're not put on this earth just for people to help you. You know, I mean, so it's important that we know how we're coming across when we're asking for help, and make sure that's out of love and kindness.
Ashley Brown 07:43
I think also how to ask for help is, first off understanding and realizing that the person that you may be asking for help, just might have a lot of things going on, as well. So to make sure that you check in on them before you ask. And I just say is because what if you're a partner, like you, like you're just asking your partner, you haven't even checked in on them to see how they're doing, because they could be like, oh my God, I just had like, the most stressful day or my head is hurting, my stomach is aching, right? Like, my back is killing me. And then you're about to ask them, you know, to like, carry some big boxes up the steps. Like maybe that's not like maybe that could be put off, but if we don't check in, we might be setting ourselves up for a no, that we could've just avoided. Right? This wasn't the best time to be asking for help. So I would say make sure you check in on the person before you actually ask for help. I think that's super important. And the next thing I think that is really important, for how to ask for help is to be very specific. And so ask with specificity, like really be specific with what you need help with. Don't make your help broad. Don't say, oh, I just need help cleaning. Cleaning what? Like, what do you need help cleaning? Because when something is so broad, the person can start doing something, and you're like, I didn't even need help with that, why did you just do that? and they're like, well you said just help with cleaning. So being really specific, like even with your kids, it can be like, okay, just clean up your room. And really what you want them to do is pick up all their clothes and put it in a laundry basket. But instead, they started straighten up their desk, like, you know, getting really specific about what you need help with is super duper important and can really help you when you're asking for help and it can help you to avoid a lot of frustration or just unkindness, if you you know, be really specific with what you're asking for. And this means that you have to really get clear with yourself about what you need help with, which sometimes can be very difficult to you know, to just get clear on because a lot of times it's a lot of things we need help with. But you have to first get clear about what really is going to bring you some sense of peace at that moment, or for that day, and then be specific when you ask for help.
Ashley Brown 10:11
And the next thing I would say, for how to ask for help, is before you ask for help, do away with the expectations, like do away with expectations when asking for help because that person that you're asking, has the right to say no, like I was saying before. No one is forced to help you right? Like you can't force anyone to help you. So I think doing away with the expectation that someone's going to be like, yes, I'll help you. I don't care who that is. That can be your partner, that can be another family member, like that can even be your child, like I was saying, they could be like no, I just, you know, I'm not helping or you know what, no, not today ma, or ma not right now or, you know. Like, just do away with expectations. And I think this can really help you in easing frustration as well. And I'm going to talk more about this in the next episode, I do want to say it's going to be an extended version of this in the next episode. And I'm going to dig deeper into when someone does say no to helping and what can help with this. So I don't want to just leave you hanging, but we're going to pick this back up in next week's episode. So yeah, so that's just something that would say, do away with expectations, before you ask. I think that's a great way of asking for help is to not expect what the person is going to say. And just take what's given to you and respond accordingly.
Ashley Brown 11:41
So when do we need to ask for help? And like I said, I think it's really important to be proactive, before it gets too much. Before things get too out of hand, make sure that you are asking for help. And I do want to put this out here that your family should be a part of your routines too. Like, of course, like children gonna be a part of the children's routine, but like your family should be a part of the cleaning routine. Your family if they are, you know of age and you have a partner and just family living with you, should be a part of the cooking routine, cleaning routine, like the routines they can be a part of, they should be a part of those. Because like I said, You're not the only one in your home and you shouldn't be the only one helping to keep your home maintained. Also, when to ask for help is when you are preparing for something. So huge transitions, like I said, are really important to think about. If you're having a baby, if you are going on a trip, if you just have a lot of emotional transition that is happening and occurring. Yeah, so I think it's important that you prepare, and that's asking for help, right. Like ask for help, if you're in preparation of something and you know that something is coming up, ask for help. Like i said, be proactive. That's super duper important. Because when we know a certain challenge is coming up or a different season of life, we want to make sure that we have as much support as possible. Because we don't want to start getting overwhelmed and overworked to feeling super stressed. Because that's not going to be helpful for us. So being proactive in preparation for things, ask for help, okay.
Ashley Brown 13:26
And then when you're overwhelmed, stressed, and overworked, so let's say you get to the point of you haven't asked for help, and you start to become very overworked, overwhelmed, stressed out, your life just seems really chaotic, ask for help too. Like, don't throw in the towel. Don't just be like, I'm gonna keep pushing through. Like if you're really feeling like it is way too much and you're getting to that point, it's just way too much, ask for help, ask for help. People are always willing to help. Families are always willing to help. I feel like most of the time families are always willing to help. Friends are always willing to help, I feel like a lot of the time, especially if you have good friends and family, like they're willing to help you. So if you're feeling stressed and overworked, like, ask for help. Don't shy away from that. Get vulnerable and ask for help. We don't want to have Superwoman syndrome. Right? Like we don't want to have that because that will like legitly put us on our butts. So it's important that we ask for help. So I'm just mentioning that to you.
Ashley Brown 14:32
And small help matters too. Let me just say this like, a lot of times we will only think about big things, like things that take some work or take a lot of work that we'll think about that we need help with. Oh, well can you cook tonight or can you clean the bathrooms or can you mop the floor? Can you clean out the microwave? Like sometimes we will just think of the big things to ask for help with, but I want you to know that small help matters too and it's important to think about too. So even if that is like, can you just make us all like a glass of water for dinner? Can you put the food away before you go to bed? Can you pick up your toys? Can you straighten out your shirts in the closet? Can you just write this down on a piece of paper for me really quick? The small things matter too. It doesn't have to be really big things that you ask for help. The task don't need to be really grand or large. The small help will matter too and will ease you as well and give you a sense of peace. So I wanted to put that out there, that small things as small help is important as well. That's it. Those are just some ways that of how I ask for help and also when I ask for help, and hopefully that was helpful for you. A lot of helps in this episode. So hopefully that was helpful for you. Hopefully you picked up some nuggets of information. And what ways do you ask for help? Do you ask for help? I want to know that like, think about that, like, do you ask for help? Do you feel like you should be asking for more help? If you do then start asking. Like i said it's an art, it takes some skill, to ask for help, and to like really get comfortable with asking for help, and that's okay. The more you stretch this muscle and use it, the easier it's going to get, for you to ask for help.
Ashley Brown 16:32
Like I said before, next week, it's going to be something that is not talked about much and that is, that I don't hear personally talked about much, and that is what do you do when your family says no to helping? Let's talk about it. Let's talk about that. What do you do when your family says no to helping? Oh, oh, it's gonna be a good one. So yes, make sure you join me next week for that episode. Until next time, I hope that you are enjoying wherever you are, whatever you're doing, girl. Enjoy your week and I'll talk to you soon.
Ashley Brown 17:05
[Outro] Thanks for listening. If you enjoyed today's episode, could you do me a huge favor and take a screenshot and share it on social. And for more routine goodness, be sure to visit routineansthings.com. Here's to staying happy!