How To Get Your Spouse On Board With Routines
Have you been thinking about starting new routines but would love to get your spouse on board, I get it! In today’s episode of the Routine and Things Podcast, I’m sharing what to avoid as well as what can help move your spouse to jump onboard the routine train. The tips I’m sharing are from personal experience and it is my hope that it gives you a roadmap to approach cultivating routines as a team for your home.
Word For Word
Ashley Brown 0:00
[Intro] Routines, my absolute favorite word, but you either love them or you hate them. And either way, I strongly believe that routines can be a springboard for improving your home, yourself and your life. I'm Ashley Brown. And this is the Routine and Things Podcast. In each episode, we'll dive into a specific routine or point of view that will move you closer to enjoying life more and more each day. Trust me, you're gonna want to keep listening, because you're well on your way to getting and staying happy.
Ashley Brown 0:46
Hey, Hey, welcome back for another episode of the Routine and Things Podcast. I'm your host, Ashley. So happy that you are joining me today. This episode I feel like has been one in the making, because we're talking about how to get your spouse on board with routines. And I feel like I've gotten this question so many times. And so I want to create an episode specifically speaking on it, sharing about how you can get your spouse to get on board with routines. I know I did a previous episode cultivating routines and relationships. But I think it's something to say about our spouses and about the pair that is really, really important, especially as a family. So let's talk about that.
Ashley Brown 1:36
Today, I want to share with you that I am hosting the Rock Your Routine Training™ workshop. That workshop is going to be held on January 2nd 2021 at the top of the year where I am going to be helping you cultivate, create the routines needed for your life taking you through an easy to follow framework that is going to equip you with the tools, the mindset to create routines, as well as keep them going and stick to them. I'm very excited about this because in the workshop, you will be creating your routines and by the time you leave, you will have the routine or routines that you need to start that day or the day after. And over the course of the entire month of January, you will have accountability and support. Registration is open, you can register by clicking the link in the show notes or head to routineanthings.com. I would love to see you there.
Ashley Brown 2:34
Let's talk about how to get your spouse on board with routines. Let's talk about this. Like I said I'm getting this question so many times. And in my mind, I'm like yes, like get your spouse on board. And I want to talk about just my personal experience with my husband. Being on board with routines. He is totally on board with routines. But let me share this with you. But that was only after I started this business. Like I'm not gonna say like he wasn't like a fan of routines, because I don't think he really thought about it much. But I know for sure. Like once I started helping other women with their routines. That's when this man was like, Oh, she got something here, and I'm like I've been doing these routines two plus years. So he's a trip. But yes, so I think just having your spouse on board can be very, very, like, beautiful. It can be so beautiful for for you. And even if they're no, your routines can be beautiful for you as well. But let's talk about what can help with this.
Ashley Brown 3:43
And probably if you're listening to this today, you're like, oh my gosh, how am I going to get my spouse on board because maybe you have a spouse that isn't really a fan of routines, or they're really like this free spirit, go with the flow type of person. And if that's the case, I can see why you might be a little bit hesitant to think they're going to be on board with routines. Or maybe your spouse, you feel like your spouse doesn't really like housework, or doesn't really like doing much things around the house. And maybe you're kind of fearful to even approach them with helping you with some of the routines around the house. Or maybe you're like, you know, I just need my spouse to be able to do things with our kids when I am not able to whatever reason that you have for one to get your spouse on board like I'm going to help you today. Because I'm gonna tell you right now, like, for one, we can't force anybody to be on board with routines. But I think like nine times out of 10 our spouses will come around, and we'll actually be excited to help us in our routines.
Ashley Brown 4:50
I'm going to be sharing what can help get your spouse on board and what is not going to help get your spouse on board. I'm going to be sharing both of these and we're going to start with what is not going to help get your spouse on board because I do not want you to be doing these things. I want you to avoid doing these things at all cost, because it might not work out well for you at the end of the day.
Ashley Brown 5:13
So when it comes to what to avoid, if you want to get your spouse on board with routines is first don't create routines without their input. Unless they explicitly say like, that's okay for you to do. And they say to you, oh, yeah, create the routine, and I'll go with it, then do it. But I even wouldn't do that, I would still show them and get their input, because having their input can be really, really helpful, and can actually get them to be on board more. So please avoid creating routines without your spouse's input. Like that's strike number one. So don't do that. Also, don't have expectations. When it comes to you even approaching the topic with your or approaching the discussion with your spouse, do not have any expectations. Don't expect your spouse to be like all in like, "Yes, let's do this". And don't expect them to not want to help or to not want to do the routines. Like just approach the situation, approach the conversation with an open mind, that can be very helpful, no expectations. Because if you have expectations and they're not met, you know what's gonna happen, then we're gonna be all upset, like, "Why wasn't he on board?" Or, if they are, if they do say, yes, we're gonna be super happy. But no expectations, try not to have any expectations. Just open up the conversation and see and see the response. See what the response is.
Ashley Brown 6:48
Another thing to avoid is, do not judge them. If they do not agree with going along with these routines. Do not start to judge them do not start to place judgment on your spouse like, that is not going to help you because once you start getting into judging mode, the ears are going to be locked up. All they're gonna hear is wa-wa-wa. I promise you that. So do not start to judge them. Those are the things to avoid, very simple. Don't create routines without their input. Don't have expectations when you approach the conversation, and do not judge them. If they don't agree that routines is the best way. Or the best thing that y'all should be doing. Don't go judging. Okay. So those are the things to avoid.
Ashley Brown 7:37
Now, when it comes to the things that help. I will share what helps to get your spouse on board? So listen up, listen up to this. Communication is one all right? You know, let's say that right? Communication is key. It's key to any relationship, communicating why this is important for your family? Why this is important to you? Why this is important for them? How it will benefit your spouse? Boom, that's a major one. How is this gonna benefit you, sir? How is this gonna benefit you? Right? Because maybe if he hates routines, he is like, a go with the flow type of person. Maybe it's because he doesn't really understand the impact or benefit of it, maybe he hasn't even been able to acknowledge or been able to see the benefit of having routines. Because he has routines, right? Your spouse has routines. Maybe he just doesn't know he has routines, you have to shine light on what this, what routines can do for us, for you, for our marriage, right? That can be really impactful to bring them along on the journey of cultivating routines and maintaining them.
Ashley Brown 8:53
And also when it comes to communication, like creative routines together, or at least getting their input can be huge as well. Like I said before, avoid not getting their input. Like even if they tell you like oh yeah, create the routine, I'll do it. Like still, once you create it, go to them, walk them through the routine. And then see if it's all good. And make sure they're paying attention. Make sure, make sure your spouse is paying attention. Because getting their input is so huge, because it'll make him feel like he's a part of something. It will make your spouse feel like you know what, I'm a part of this. I'm a part of this with her. So creating routines together can be really beautiful. And also getting your spouse's input. Also a game changer, okay, because they feel tied to the process.
Ashley Brown 9:40
But I do want to say this if your spouse hates doing housework, but you want help with the routine, communication can help because what this will do is identify what about housework, does he not like? What about housework does your spouse not want to do because maybe there are just certain things as far as like the housework that they would like to avoid, maybe your spouse doesn't want to clean the bathroom, but they have no problem doing laundry. But if we don't communicate and ask that question, then we wouldn't know. So that's how communication can really help as well is like can you start to assess and identify, what about housework does my spouse not like, because if you're willing to do the laundry, then I can give you the laundry, and I can take the bathrooms or vice versa. Right? So it can be helpful there.
Ashley Brown 10:32
Also, communication is very key, because you can start to educate your spouse as well, because you might be like, Ashley, I want for my spouse to help me with my routines but the way he clean girl, I don't know about him helping with no cleaning routines, right? It might be like, no, not really, I have him help. But I want to like challenge you on this because communication as far as educating your spouse can be really helpful for you. Right? Sometimes we have to teach our spouses things just like they teach us things. So teaching your spouse, how to clean or what clean is to you, so that if they are doing the routine, they know what to pay attention to so you will trust your spouse to do it. Communication is like beautiful in so many different ways. But like that's like the first thing that you want to be able to do when you are trying to get your spouse on board is communicate with your spouse. so important.
Ashley Brown 11:29
Also, make the routines simple, flexible and accessible to your partner. That is very key to this as well to get them on board. Do not go around making complicated routines or trying to get your spouse to make complicated routines. Keep it simple, keep them flexible as well. And what I mean by flexibility is make them broad enough to where he can do things in a way that feel comfortable to him. So like don't make it so specific to just you and like you like to do certain things a certain way. If he can do it in a different way but it meets the same goal, make your routines a bit flexible in that way. So like an example of this is, if you want your spouse to do the dishes, don't go being like, well, you first go wash the dishes, and then you're going to rinse the dishes, and then you're going to put them in the drying rack, we'll open it up a bit, just go and wash dishes, like whatever wash dishes is to him as long as it's being done. That's all that matters as long as it's being done. And then wash dishes. And then the next step could be sweep floor. The next step can be cleaned off the countertop, whatever, you know what I mean. So that can be the routine instead of you like having this really drawn out. Routine that's wash dishes, rinse dishes, put in drying, right? That can be really restrictive, because what if he wants to wash the dishes, dry the dishes and put them away? But you're just like put them in the dish rack. Like you never know. So that is really important, making them simple and flexible and also accessible.
Ashley Brown 13:15
And what I mean by accessible is that if you are cultivating these routines with your spouse, and let's say that your spouse forgets, like, oh, what goes into the children's routine? Well, do you have it written down? Do you have it someplace that, you know, your spouse can refer to it? That is super important. That's why in the shop, I have Routine Records. That is one reason why because I think it's really important to have your routines accessible for you, for your family so that you're not getting so thrown off, or that someone can jump in when they need to. And so that is a great way for you to, you know, keep your spouse like in the routine, like doing the routine, and on board with it is by making them simple, flexible and accessible.
Ashley Brown 14:04
So that's something and then the last thing I want to share that can really help you when it comes to getting your spouse on board is just inspiration like show and tell is beautiful. And what I mean by this is like monkey see monkey do. If you're doing the routines and they don't end up catching on. And I say this because that's what happened to my husband like when I started doing routines, doing them doing them doing eventually he started coming on board. He started coming on board with routines and now he has his own little routines. Girl, he has his own little routines. He's so cute. So yes, that can be super helpful because if you're not doing the routine, why is he going to be doing the routine, like do the routines and it's going to inspire your spouse to do the routine. It's going to inspire them. It might not be a week later. It may not be two weeks later, but after some time. And also like, share, share about the routine. Like talk about it a lot. Because I think that's what really helped my husband is like talking about it, talk about the routines all the time. That's a tip for you, especially if they're a little resistant, talk about it, show them the routine. Do the routine. So those are my tips for you. I hope that this was really helpful.
Ashley Brown 15:26
The thing about this is we cannot make someone do something, we cannot make our spouses be on board with routines. But what we can do is communicate the value of the routines. Give them a way to put in their input, making sure that the routines are simple, flexible, accessible. And then doing the routine and be an inspiration. Being an inspiration to him, to your spouse. And even if your spouse doesn't get on board, let me share this, give it time, don't go judge him, give it time. Don't go copping an attitude, I know it can be hard, right? Don't go copping an attitude. Your spouse will start to see the impact, he will start to see the impact of the routine. So just keep. You do what you can do, if they don't jump on board. But if they are on board, here's what I want you to do. Give your spouse a big, huge kiss, and say thank you, and I appreciate you. So do that. It's gonna make him feel like a king. So that those are my tips.
Ashley Brown 16:35
That's it. I hope this was really helpful for you. I want to share some routine wisdom with you today. And that is teamwork makes the routine work. Remember that team work makes the routine work girl. And like I said in the beginning, I'm hosting the Rock Your Routine Training™ workshop, you can bring your spouse along to that. This will get him on board for sure. Like he's gonna see how committed you are to the process and he's gonna be like, girl, okay, I'm on board, sweetie, I'm on board. So to register for the workshop, the link is in the show notes or head to routineandthings.com. It's going to be a very powerful, inspirational, action packed three hours that we're going to have together. And by the time you leave, you're going to feel like pumped up ready to start your routines, you're actually going to start your routines because you're going to have created them in the workshop and then you're going to have an entire 30 days of accountability and support with me and other ladies. So come join. Link is in the show notes for that or head to routineandthings.com. Alright girl that's it for today. I hope that you continue to enjoy wherever you are, whatever you're doing, stay happy and I will talk to you later.
Ashley Brown 17:49
[Outro] Thanks for listening. If you enjoyed today's episode, could you do me a huge favor and take a screenshot and share it on social and for more routine goodness. Be sure to visit routineandthings.com. Here's to staying happy.